—ODB on the main pastimes of 13-year-old boys.
Also known as shota, much like 16-year-old girls, 13-year-old boys can be found all over AIM or, in a less popular but more concentrated population, such as Droidz or BYOND. They are easily recognized as they lack an Adam's apple, and their lack of pubic hair, undropped balls, nasally voices and microscopic penises. They make easy targets for drama baiting as their slavering worship of known fucktards Adam Sandler, Coldplay, Fall Out Boy, Insane Clown Posse, Slipknot, Linkin Park, and Tony Hawk has recently reached a fever pitch. Many times they are found in str8, chat rooms lying about their age (preferring to be 18 year old boys), or in gay chat rooms. In that case, it is most likely they are 60-year-old male camwhores who like to chat with 13-year-old boys. The typical 13-year-old boy also spends most of his free time reading Cyanide & Happiness comics when hunting for more pictures to shove into his forum signature. When not online, 13-year-old boys can be found playing Candyland, Xbox Live, and Yu-Gi-Oh!, as well as masturbating furiously to pr0n, or trying to date as many girls as possible while generating lulz.
They also, like 16-year-old girls, are proficient at statistics. For example, 92% of teenagers would cry if they were called a freak and have "moved on" from rock to rap. It is unclear whether this 92% are the same for each question polled. In fact, there is no record of any actual poll having taken place, but a million Facebook users putting this in their info can't be wrong.
While they are not as annoying as 16-year-old girls, they tend to have very bad spelling skills and like to say koo a lot. They also enjoy cussing a lot because it's koo and teh fucking shit beyotch LOLLZ OMFG!111. Beware that many of these 13-year-old boys are really FBI agents trying to entrap innocent members of NAMBLA, who are just upstanding citizens out for a good time, as they say. 13-year-old boys make up at least %1.00 of the total teen population. Due to their rarity, a repopulation program is underway and you probably want to breed with them, you sick fuck.
- "13 year old boys are total fuck tards who act gay and when I say gay, I mean GAY!!!!!! Like this one boy told this other boy to fuck his ass and then they started dry humping and then all their friends started laughing like they were the kewlest thing since the Nebraska Safe Haven Law. 13 year old boys should die!!!!" - An example of the language used by said tweens.
- ""LOL DUED I SNIPED 4 WITH 1 BULLET. 1v1 ME NEUB"" -Typical 13 year old who calls himself a "hardcore gamer"
13-year-old boys are easy as hell to manipulate via the Internet because of their trust of anyone they believe to be in authority and predominantly remorseful nature once confronted with objections to whatever it is they're doing at the time. There are many ways to go about wrangling a 13-year-old boy, such as offers of candy or threatening to have them banned from their favorite Pokémon forum. Use your newfound control for having them star in your latest YouTube submission or enacting lulz-ridden revenge.
Some 13-year-old boys, however, don't give a dead moose. It is best to quote them on ED for the lulz.
Quotes by 13-year-old boys
I have a Command Prompt and I know how to use it
Due to numerous videos on the JewTube, many 13-year-old boys now have mad hacking skillz, yo! They can do shit-chill things with the Command Prompt such as change passwords EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE ADMIN PRIVILEGES!!!11 (lol, just take away background admin), shut down your interwebs, play MUDs, create a fork bomb in Notepad, and this:
- TO MA3K TEH F1RST COMMENTS!!!!11!!LOLZ
- 2 B FIRST RANK ON THER CS SERVER!!!!
- To bang Klara Wagner.
- To become GM in any game.
- To be a ghetto nigger.
- To be a ninja.
- To be a rockstar.
- To have buttsecks with each member of Slipknot.
- To be bisexual (girls think bi dudes are HAWTT!)
- To be in the Delta Force, just like in bLaCk HaWk dOwN!!!!!!!
- To beat "Through Fire And Flames" on Expert.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9OXpbHprN4&NR=1 Guitar Hero Troll LULZ
- To cuss a lot (which they all do).
- To fellate Herman Li.
- To get a girlfriend that doesn't live in the same house.
- To get a life.
- To get laid by someone other than your mom lol.
- To get level 138 on Runescape!!!1!1!
- To get their penises over 9000 inches.
- To impregnate 16-year-old girls.
- To know something other than jack shit about drugs.
- To launch b0mBs at skool!!
- To master Farmville on Facebook
- To make it to 14 years old.
- To post pictures of their childlike faces on /b/.
- To raise their status in the server from 3 to over 9,000.
- To see Britney Spears live!!
- To sprout ball hair.
- To revive dead 90s guitarists to play in their shitty bands.
- To be a 1337 H4x0r.
- To get the Internets.
- To be Awesome No luck yet, you could be the first!
- To get Portal not illegally, let alone beat it.
- To be a Physicist and Psychiatrist that beats head crabs with crowbars
- To Bootnuke the school computer system.
- To perform a correct SQL injection into a message board
- To see Slipknot.
- To drink more Monster Energy drinks than You.
- To have sex, which will never happen.
- To get more views on JewTube than Fred.
- To not get held back again.
- To e-date every girl on the Internets. No matter how ignorant they are of Rule 30
- To watch every episode of Family Guy.
- To finally dislodge their father's 14" nigger penis out of their bleeding assholes. This is the cause of their butthurt.
The very best of 13-year-old boys
13-year-old boys on Xbox Live
13-year-old Boys can frequently be found being 1337 and racist on Xbox Live. They often play Halo or Call of Duty and can most likely be found by taking note of how many X's they place on the front of their name. They usually try and join clans and partake in clan battles and when anyone accuses their clan of being gay they will rage and start asking for a 1 v 1 battle (which they will likely loose which will result in much lulz).
The best ways to make fun of 13-year-old boys on Xbox Live are:
- Call them gay/a queer.
- Say their clan is gay.
- Say their gamertag is gay.
- Say nothing but your mom jokes.
- Tell them it's past their bedtime.
- Tell them to kill themselves.
- Tell them to play Viva Pinata.
- Tell them to stop talking until their balls drop.
- Tell them that there are no girls on the internet.
- Tell them that they suck at the game.
- Tell them that their gamerscore sucks.
- Tell them to calm down, and that MW3 is 'just a game'.
A break in the monotony?
Some 13-year-old boys could end up being your boss one day. These are called the nerd-teen-old boys. They relish in the fact that they might be able to rule you with the iron fist of robot armies with the help of the azns and weeaboos. Others are actually kind and act unlike they are age and can be a valuable experience. They most likely end up in a psychiatrist's office when the school bullies have insulted them one too many times and they end up cutting a bitch.
How 2 be cool
- Be Cool.
- Buy an Xbox.
- Never spell anything correctly when on your Internet (oh, and always use ALL CAPS).
- Say random Spongebob Squarepants quotes to teh guys.
- Shout out any Internet meme that pops into your little ADD-ridden head.
- Watch porn.
- 13-year-old boys don't have to be 13. They can be 10 to 15 to 16. They can even go as far as 18. As they say, the younger the better.
- Don't bother pwning a 13-year-old boy; he will say "Your Mom" or "You´re a noob", resulting in EPIC WIN...
- It is totally legal to rape a 13-year-old boy, as long as you do it with a condom and don't get caught.
- Every single 13 year old boy must beg to get his way.
- Every 13 year old boy kills aliens and doesn't afraid of anything.
- Every 13-year-old boy must bot to win PC games.
- Every 13-year-old boy has to read every single Harry Potter book.
- Every 13 year old boy will annoy the shit out of you no matter how or where.
- To humiliate a 13-year-old boy, just mention to him that the average penis size is 5.75 inches, then mention that at his age you were 10". Watch the tears flow.
- Every 13 year old boy will cry when you say ninjas do not exist.
- Every 13 year old boy will die when you look at them in the eye and say "Nick Jonas".
- Every 13 year old boy will go through a Behemoth-obsessed phase.
- Every 13 year old boy has watched every episode of South Park.
- Every 13 year old boy has played Guitar Hero, Halo and Call of Duty.
- Every time a 13 year old boy loses, he will come up with any and every excuse as to reasons why.
- Every 13 year old boy masturbates; the ones who say they don't actually do, except they fap to gay porn.
- All 13 year old boys don't know what "gay" or "fag" mean.
- Any screen name/account name associated with said 13 year old boy will be surrounded by "xXfaggy name hereXx"
- 13 year old boys will sometimes impersonate an Admin of Steam, CS, or any other shitty overrated game. They will always do it poorly. When they are caught, they will normally cry their faggy little eyes out, resulting in epic lulz. (see here ).
- 13 year old boys possess only partially developed human brains that will not be fully developed and functional for quite a while. As such, they are unable to respond to anything other than explosions, gore, and tits, and cannot process more than the most black and white of plots, which naturally explains their reverence for games such as Halo and Call of Duty, and movies like Transformers and Saw.
- 13 year old boys are incapable of independent thought, and can only form opinions on religion and politics based on those of friends, family members, and, in particular, those of the popular media.
- Most of the time, they know little to nothing about whatever religion and politics they follow, aside from the name of whoever happens to be the leader of it at the time, yet will defend it nearly endlessly if challenged to an argument over it, until they lose and go home crying, before coming up with some bullshit to convince themselves that they were right after all.
- 12 & 16-year-old girls
- 30 Seconds To Mars
- Bright Neon Nike Shirt - What they most commonly wear.
- I'm 12 years old and what is this?
- Justin Bieber
- Mark Foley - A gay old pedophile who is hungry for 13 year old boys.
- Michael Jackson
- Generation Z
- Michelle Lyn Taylor - Wants to be touched by every 13-year-old boy.
- Selena Gonads
- Skript kiddie
- Soulja Boy
- T. Reginald Gibbons - Wants to protect every 13-year-old boy.
- The Cancer
- Ultraviolet News Network
- Xbox Live - The place where they can most often be found being a pain in the ass.
Notable 13-year-old boys
- Ahmed Mohamed - Had fifteen minutes of fame in 2015 for bringing a bomb-looking clock to school.
- Angry German Kid
- DJ Skeptik
- Every single YTMND user.
- Justin Bieber
- Kaelin Marion
- Mitchell Henderson
- MySpace Kid
- Sam Leeson
- Smellen Poo
- The rEactor - acts like one even though he's 16.
- Trey Burba
- YouTube Poop creators
- Call Of Duty
- Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Flipnote Hatena
- Habbo Hotel
- Soldier Of Fortune II
- World of Warcraft
- Xbox Live
- Typical 13-year-old boy's deviantart. ALSO IS A FURRY WHO TALKS IN ALL CAPS.
- Can a teenage guy get an erection just from hugging a girl?
- Typical 13-year-old boys love sex and video games.
- Textbook Example of a "funny" 13-year-old.
- Loving Jesus for 13-year-old boys
- Your average 13 year old boy that's a wannabe fatass "sk8borrder", likes pop punk, and cries like a faggot
- A shining example.
- Moar shota...
- Just for good measure.
- Typical wannabe 13-year-old boy.
- Typical 13-year-old fag with a shitty video.
13-year-old boy is part of a series on
Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.