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George Floyd

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George Floyd was an upstanding, intelligent, African American, porn actor, and a career criminal who died in May 2020, while being arrested in Minneapolis, Minnesota. His death was rather unremarkable in itself but sparked a months long nationwide BLM-sponsored protest the likes of which have not been seen in decades.

In early August 2020, the police bodycam footage of Floyd's arrest leaked, brutally exposing the media's entire false narrative of "GEORGE FLOYD DINDUNUFFIN & RACIST COPS".


   
 
I CAN'T BREEVE!
 

 
 

—George Floyd shortly before dying of a fentanyl overdose

Before Stardom

Prior to his death in May, George Floyd lived like every other black man in America. He was born on October 14, 1973 in a poor part of Fayetteville, North Carolina. He played basketball in high school and dropped out of college. In the 90s, George Floyd tried his luck as a rapper for a while. From 1997 to 2005 Floyd was arrested six times for possessing drugs, trespassing and theft.

At some point while in Houston, George Floyd starred in a porn video with some black slut named Kimberly Brinks. She sucks his dick, he eats her pussy and then they fucked. Overall, The video is indistinguishable from every other shitty porno video on the internet.

Things changed in 2005 when George "The Gentle Giant" Floyd along with five other black men broke into the home of a mexican family in Houston. The family consisted of a pregnant woman, her boyfriend and their one-year-old child. The gentle giant pointed a handgun at the pregnant woman's stomach and demanded money and/or drugs. None were found, so they made off with some jewelry instead. Floyd was caught shortly after and in 2007, was sentenced to five years in prison. When he got out, he moved to Minneapolis to start a new life.

In short, before his rise to stardom he played basketball, did/sold drugs, fucked black bitches, spent time in prison and committed violent crimes.

Death of George Floyd AKA Prelude to Butthurt

On the evening of May 25th, 2020, Floyd was drunk driving in Minneapolis when he felt the pang of one of many addictions he was nursing at the time, in this case being nicotine. Floyd was, unfortunately broke since his usual job of beating drunks, taking entry bribes from underage bar patrons, and acting in porn had been restricted to the recent plague of Chink AIDS.

Luckily for Floyd, he had utilized all the free time on his hands to learn how to use his $20 inkjet printer to copy himself a new source of income that even Warren Buffet would be envious of. After using said paper to acquire some smooth fine-cut Virginia richness he treated himself to a victory cigarette in contented bliss as he had finally unraveled the secrets of fractional reserve banking. In his mind, he was good as long as he didn't copy his last $20 more than 10 times. The store owners didn't see it that way and confronted Floyd, their fingers stained green with printer ink from the DIY cash they'd been handed. Being a thug, Floyd told them to fuck off, so fuck off they did and called for the assistance of some of Minneapolis' finest.

Several white supremacist doom marines led by officer Derek Michael Chauvin responded rapidly to the call. Their armored Dodge Charger plowed through numerous black children on the way to the scene. Upon approaching Floyd's vehicle they ordered him out. Floyd declined as he was busy nursing a puppy back to health. After the officers naturally shot the puppy, Floyd voluntarily began exiting the vehicle when he slipped on a banana peel and fell onto the cop's taser, which became lodged in his throat. Due to the fact he was high on fentanyl, cocaine and infected with the COVID-19 strain that only affects simians, Floyd's life was in grave danger. The heroic militarized white supremacist cops then assisted Floyd over to the curb where Chauvin did his best to dislodge the taser by using his knee to squeeze it back through Floyd's throat hole.

While Chauvin was rendering critical life-saving aid to Floyd, Floyd began desperately crying "I can't breev!", prompting Chauvin to kneel even harder on Floyd's neck in an effort to save his life. Several racist onlookers attempted to interfere with the delicate operation which only distracted Dr. Chauvin, who needed to apply his full concentration at the time. Sadly, his efforts were in vain as Floyd expired due to cardiac complications brought on by a fentanyl overdose.

When George Floyd's spirit left his body, dark ominous clouds quickly formed over Minneapolis. Rain began to pour as Chauvin shook his fist to the sky screaming, "WHY, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE BOY SO SOON!?"


The Chimp Uprising

Footage of Chauvin's heroic efforts were posted all over social media. Unfortunately for Chauvin, the cell phone video distorted the context of his actions and he was falsely accused of deliberately killing Floyd. With large swathes of America being bored from lockdown and recently out of a job, Niggers and SJWs took to the streets countrywide and proceeded to peacefully protesting against the perceived brutality. Within the space of a couple of weeks, the protests spread across over a dozen cities and escalated from the "peaceful" action of blocking off streets to encompassing the "peaceful" destruction of property, the "peaceful" setting of fires and the "peaceful" liberation of flat screens, sneakers, prescription medication and Nintendo Switches from the oppressive clutches of capitalism. They even created their own country "peacefully" resulting in several deaths and at least several dozen rapes.

Saint Floyd's Funeral Procession

Floydfuneral.jpg

Floyd's family, being greedy niggers, never let an opportunity to rob whitey go to waste. Cashing in on white guilt, they started a gofundme for his funeral with a goal of $1,500,000 and instead got 14 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Many questions of "why do you need $1,400,000 for a funeral?" and "how many cartons of Newports and buckets of KFC can you buy with 14 million dollars?" arose after the goal was met. In true niggerly fashion, his family bought Saint George a solid gold casket to be paraded through town.

Gallery


See Also

External Links

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Social Justice

Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

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Featured article August 6 through August 7, 2020
Preceded by
We Apologize
George Floyd Succeeded by
Communism