Hunter S. Thompson
|This troll was willing to die for the lulz... and did. |
—Hunter S. Thompson
Born in Louisville, Kentukkky at the age of 45, Hunter distinguished himself with his early alcoholism, drug abuse and criminal activity. Jobless, and having little to no foothold in reality, Hunter took to journalism to pay for his massive drug addictions. By writing his articles while completely off his tits, he inadvertently stumbled upon a winning style of lulzy writing he liked to call "Gonzo Journalism", though others preferred the more descriptive "Whacked-out Stream of Consciousness Ravings".
Gonzo the spy
The Internets may tell you that good Doctor Thompson was in fact a CIA agent. Writers of these conspiracies make these accusations based on the fact that they tried to get away with half the shit that he got away with and ended up:
- Writing for an Air Force newspaper.
- Shooting Peacocks on his property.
- Shooting anything on his property.
- Shooting himself on his property.
- Shooting Drugs, both on and off his property.
- Trolling ESPN forums.
- Inspiring Transmetropolitan.
- Getting his ass kicked at a Los Vegas show by security because he rushed the stage and tried to kiss Debbie Reynolds. Remember, this was in the 60s when the Mob ruled Vegas so it was a REAL ass kicking.
Despite the fact that LSD had brought him total ruination, Hunter remained a firm advocate of its use, particularly by the under-6's. In this, his name was added next to Ken Kesey's and Timothy Leary's on the long list of advocates for hard psychotropic drugs that are produced by n00bs in someone's bathroom, bringing the total to three. On one occasion Thompson created mass Lulz at a 'Rolling Stone magazine retreat when he approached every single person there with what he claimed was his "very last tab, so keep it quiet". One can only imagine the fun of being in a crowd of acid-soaked Rolling Stone employees! Then one can't help to imagine the fun of a giant asteroid dropping right on top of the whole thing and wiping those whiny liberal RS fucktards right off the face of the planet.
Hunter became an hero on February 20th, 2005. It was a victory for the American firearms industry, but a sad loss for the American Drug Industry. His first wife Sandy claimed that "he shot out of the womb pissed-off, and he went out the same way." A Joker to the end, he was actually talking to his wife as he blasted his brains all over his study. His suicide note (with the hastily scrawled message "Football Season Is Over" written in black marker as a title) read:
- "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt"
Probably the funniest part about his self-pwning was that he called his wife right before kickbanning himself, and just as he swallowed that shotgun mouthwash his wife stopped listening to fix something on the car radio.
On the third day, Hunter S Thompson rose again, this time in meme form. Hero-worshiping /b/tards began spamming image macros featuring his quotes far and wide. This has done much to further cement his legacy into the threads of the OL and IRL worlds, in spite of culling a large poseur fanbase in the process.
Hunter's IRL Trolling Techniques
- Spraypainting "Fuck the Pope" on the boat of the Australian racing team.
- Leaving a trail of methamphetamines through Houston airport's customs.
- Defusing uncomfortable social situations with high-power mace.
- Calling his Mexican attorney a Samoan.
- Screaming lines from the Book of Revelation in crowded hotels.
- Handing people money, then saying that he needs it back to eat.
- Getting Nixon's SS agents drunk on Wild Turkey.
- Never forgiving his brother for being a hellbound fgt.
- Convincing people he was going to be murdered. When in reality, he was just going to self-pwn himself and frame the C.I.A.
- Trolling everyone into believing presidential candidate Ed Muskie was an ibogaine addict
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