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QAnon

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You fell right into my trap! LOLOLLL!!1!

QAnon is a successful trolling campaign (or "conspiracy theory" if you're retarded) orchestrated in 2017 by a handful of fags over at 4chan. After their success in trolling the entire United States by helping to get Donald Trump elected, they proceeded to make multiple attempts to keep the troll ball rolling, QAnon being the most successful.


   
 
"QAnon (/kjuːəˈnɒn/) is a far-right conspiracy theory alleging that a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles running a global child sex-trafficking ring is plotting against President Donald Trump, who is battling them, leading to a 'day of reckoning' involving the mass arrest of journalists and politicians. No part of the theory is based on fact."
 

 
 

- Wikipedia. (So funny we didn't even have to edit it for lulz. It was already hilarious enough).

The "conspiracy theory" quickly took off, making money, attracting retards around the globe, and gaining support so much that it became 100% true despite mountains of evidence against it; truly a magnificent trolling masterpiece. If it ever dies (which is unlikely as it's expected to be put into history books for autistic children to read for generations to come) it will go down in internet history as one of the most inspiring trolling success stories of all time.

Unsurprisingly the conspiracy has been linked to a drastic increase in retarded children and AIDS, probably due to all of its believers fucking each other. The US was like Burning Man and Woodstock all in one, and QAnon was handing out bad acid to any retard dumb enough to take it. This resulted in a celebration orgy on 4chan and similar sites that is still currently ongoing and doesn't seem to have any end in sight.

Creating A Monster

4Chan pretending to be some faggot named Q while they trolled the world.

As the flames of 4Chan's lesser-known trolling attempt, Pizzagate, began to die down the troglodytes at 4Chan began to conspire to make something far greater than the prototype that had failed QA testing. They went from alpha testing to beta and rolled out Pizzagate 2.0, aka "The Storm". They pushed this glorious turd through the anus that is /pol/ and plopped it on the face of America under the guise of 4chan user "Q". And no, that's not a Star Trek reference, nerd.

Starting on On October 28, 2017, 4chan began allowing users into open beta-testing for Pizzagate 2.0 by posting a series of Scooby Doo mystery clues in a /pol/ thread made by user "Q" titled “Calm Before the Storm” (assumedly in reference to that lulzy Trump quote from early October). Q pretended to be a "high-level government insider with Q clearance" (hence the stupid name) tasked with posting intel drops — which they retardedly called “crumbs” — straight to 4chan in order to "covertly inform the public" about Trump's "master plan to stage a countercoup against members of the deep state." It was, in short, absolutely hilarious, mainly because of the idea that a serious government whistleblower would use 4chan as their outlet is fucking hysterical. Beta testers on 4chan quickly caught on and began adding lulz to the trollout.

Part two of the open beta test (Pizzagate 2.0's first major patch, resulting in Pizzagate 2.1) came in the form of fabricating several "coincidences" in an effort to make Q look more real. Examples included Q pretending to guess that Trump would tweet the word “small” on Small Business Saturday, pretending to be on Air Force One by posting a blurry picture of some islands while Trump was on his trip to Asia, and accurately guessing the size of Trump's 1.2-inch long penis. This caused retards on 4chan that were not hip to the actual trolling that was clearly happening to believe (or at least pretend to believe) that Q was actually real.

The 4chan troll elites that had birthed the project jizzed in their collective pants with excitement as they realized that the conspiracy was actually starting to take hold. They decided to stop beta testing and launch the full release of their product, dropping the name Pizzagate 2.1 as well as "the Storm" and settling with "QAnon" which is what everyone was calling it by then. QAnon hit the market last Thursday and became the latest bukkake to fall upon the face of the internet. It, unlike Pizzagate, was wildly successful.

The "Facts"

4chan continued its Q escapades by making up one hilarious "fact" after another in an effort to pour gas into the engine they had created that was now revving at over 9000 RPMs per second. These "facts" included, but were not limited to, the following list:

  • Trump was never really involved with Russia and isn’t actually under investigation by Mueller & Co. On the contrary, Q insists that it’s actually Clinton and Obama who were corrupted by Putin (and are now actually under investigation by Mueller) because they’re obviously just evil, money-hungry globalists who’ll do anything for the highest bidder.
  • Trump feigned collusion with Russians to enlist Robert Mueller to join him in exposing the ring and preventing a coup d'état by Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and George Soros.
  • HillBama (and other libtards) is into raping and killing children, though the crowd is split over whether this is because they’re Satanists or just part of some weird blackmail scheme involving the CIA.
  • Trump, the genius that he is, figured all of this out way back when he was just a measly presidential candidate and has been pretending to suck Putin's cock and/or be involved with Russia ever since as a way to force a third party to investigate these horrors — without drawing the attention of those evil Dems-who-must-not-be-named, of course — because he’s just that selfless of a leader.
  • Clinton, Obama, Podesta, Abedin, and even McCain (he's dead, Jim), are all either arrested and wearing secret police-issued ankle monitors or just about to be indicted.
  • The Steele dossier is a total fabrication personally paid for by ClinBama.
  • The Las Vegas massacre was most definitely an inside job connected to the Saudi-Clinton cabal.
  • In addition to molesting children, members of this cabal also kill and eat their victims in order to ingest a life-extending chemical in human blood.
  • In order to stop this elite ring of pedophilic cannibals, top military generals convinced Trump to run for president in 2016.

Most importantly of all for these Q-tards is that Trump is now secretly working behind the scenes to bring those involved to justice, leading to a "day of reckoning" involving the mass arrest of journalists and politicians the likes of which this planet has never seen before: It'll make Watergate look like a limp-dicked cuck watching his wife get plowed by a BBC.

Most of this "reckoning" was supposed to happen in November 2017, but, of course, none of it did. One would have expected this to derail the conspiracy, but thanks to so many autistic faggots online, the beast's claws had taken a stronghold across the internet and refused to die. It spread from the depths of 4chan (and 8chan if you're gay) to Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter, where it found hundreds of thousands of devout coprophiliac followers who were starving for some new shit to snack on. Around that golden age of QAnon's empire expansion, some of the most popular "explainer" videos boasted nearly 200,000 views, and the QAnon hashtag had gotten so popular that it was difficult to track.

Some brain-damaged jew troll (probably one of its 4chan originators from Pizzagate 2.0) even took the time to write a 117-page book charting Q’s rise to power (now buried among the dozens of others that have been puked out onto the internet) so that they could capitalize on the conspiracy's popularity and rake in the shekels. In fact, hundreds of troll investors bought into the QAnon stock and suckered millions of pennies out of dipshits across the globe.

Leaving the Matrix

An Autism Appreciation Day Celebration.

The trolls that created QAnon had long since had to do anything by this point, (besides continuing to post as Q), as the project had pretty much become self-sufficient. People who actually believe in the conspiracy do most, if not all, of the work now. They have divulged into what we shall henceforth refer to as "The QAnon Cult", not to be confused with the trolls spurring them on.

The lulz would continue to ensue as the 4Chan conspiracy spread from the internet into the real world. QAnon cult followers began appearing at Trump reelection campaign rallies in August 2018. How they didn't burst into flames after leaving their mom's basement for the first time in their lives is still a mystery to this day. Some more popular retards came out of the alt-right woodwork and began to make appearances that added more lulz to the QAnon scene. Some of these cum guzzlers include:

  • Michael "Lionel" Lebron: A TV and radio personality. He was a staunch promoter of the "theory" that was granted a photo opportunity with Trump in the Oval Office in August.
  • Bill Mitchell A Broadcaster who promotes QAnon. He attended a White House "social media summit" in July 2019. At an August 2019 rally, he warmed up the crowd before Trump spoke used the QAnon motto "where we go one, we go all", later denying that it was a QAnon reference like the pussy that he is.

FBI OPEN UP!

The FBI, much to the delight of the trolls who created the conspiracy, determined QAnon to be a "potential source of domestic terrorism", the first time the agency had rated a fringe conspiracy theory in such a manner. Normally conspiracy theorists remained indoors, jerking off to skat porn videos and trolling on various online platforms used by simpletons. They rarely went outside of the house or accomplished anything. QAnon changed all of that by amassing an army of rascal riding dipshits that were willing to attend public gatherings on their way to Mcdonalds. This concerned people because normally these asshats were unable to squeeze through their front doors or weren't socially competent enough to gather in groups. Somehow they had overcome these obstacles and were now only a car ride away from the gun section at Walmart. It seemed like only a matter of time before they would go for the high score if pushed over the crazy side of the fence they were teetering on.

Blind loyalty to a government conspiracy fueled by trolls + mental and social retardation + willingness to go outside + guns = you're gonna have a BAD time.

The conspiracy was tied to several cases of asspie on asspie crime:

  • a man accused of murdering his brother with a sword.
  • a man accused of murdering an alleged crime boss.
  • a man who reportedly threatened to kill YouTube employees.
  • an armed man who blocked the Hoover Dam with an armored vehicle.
  • a libtard who threatened to assassinate Trump.
  • threats against a charter school that forced it to cancel an annual fundraiser.
  • QAnon supporters planning a kidnapping “raid.”

The conspiracy theory has also become increasingly popular among border militias and anti-government groups, as if those lunatics needed more crazy shit to believe in. Whether these pussies will actually leave their bunkers and begin their reenactment of Farcry 5 has yet to be seen.

The Summoning of QAnon Karen

The official spokesperson of QAnon in all her glory.

In an effort to bolster their ranks, the QAnon Cult higher-ups performed a dark ritual; sacrificing a dozen libtard babies while listening to Kid Rock and watching Tucker Carlson on a loop. This resulted in the summoning of a demon known as QAnon Karen; a batshit crazy cunt who's bitch level is higher than that of Kellyanne Conway on all of her periods. Her first act of wrath upon the earth was to fuck up her local Target, chimping out on a mask display in protest of the Coronavirus while telling police that she was a "spokesperson" for QAnon. She is expected to join Trump's White House staff after his re-election.


   
 
"You let everybody else do it," Lively told two Target employees who approached her. "I can't do it because I'm a blonde white woman? Because I'm wearing a $40,000 Rolex, I don't have the right to f--- s--- up?"
 

 
 

— - QAnon Karen sticking it to The Man.

#TakeTheOath

In June 2020, Q whipped his dick out and told members of The QAnon Cult to line up and take a "digital soldiers oath", which was sort of like carving a Q into your forehead while also having it branded on your ass with a hot iron at the same time. Cultists were quick to line up in saying yes using the Twitter hashtag #TakeTheOath and offering free blowjobs to Q, and anyone willing to join the movement. Twitter and Facebook tried to combat the STD that was spreading through their user base like diaper rash on Onideus' ass, but it was too late. Those they did manage to get rid of simply spread to dedicated message boards such as EndChan and 8kun, where they "organized to wage information warfare to influence the 2020 elections". At this point, it was becoming very hard to tell troll from cultist, not that it really mattered anymore.

Trump Pours Grain Alcohol On The Bonfire

Trump responding to QAnon.

Trump has repeatedly praised QAnon supporters after realizing they were basically offering him free rimjobs and reach-a-rounds (usually at the same time, if not in pairs). He has been quoted saying that he “appreciate[s]” that “they like me very much,” adding that “these are people that love our country”, (and by "country", he means his penis). When a reporter then noted that the conspiracy theory’s premise is that Trump is “secretly saving the world from this satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals,” Trump trolled the libtard media by saying, “But is that supposed to be a bad thing or good thing? If I can help save the world from problems, I’m willing to do it. I’m willing to put myself out there.” It was at that moment that Trump became the biggest troll in the QAnon movement, outranking even its creators, and in fact, it put him up on the leaderboard as one of the most powerful trolls of all time, right behind Hitler's trolling of the Jews, the Jews' trolling of Jesus, Europe's trolling of natives across the globe, and President Truman's trolling of Japan.

Like a crackwhore feeding her baby paint chips, Trump fed his QAnon supporters; amplifying QAnon messaging over 9000 times by retweeting or mentioning at least 129 QAnon-affiliated Twitter accounts, sometimes multiple times a day. Additionally, members of Trump's family, his personal attorney, current and former campaign staffers, and even some current and former Trump administration officials had also repeatedly amplified QAnon supporters and their content. This has led to a collective, uncircumcised, unwashed internet boner on 4chan and other similar sites that puts even Ron Jeremy to shame.

As of August 2020, The Donald continues to stand firm, with his cock fully erect and unzipped, in support of The QAnon Cult. It has nothing to do with the fact that these sycophants will make up a huge chunk of his voters, attend his rallies en masse, spread his disinformation and propaganda online, or the fact that they will continue to blow him for free while he's on the toilet shitting out Burger King and Tweets.

Other Republican Candidates

It became apparent to every conservative hick running for office that if they wanted to get votes they were going to have to pretend to be mentally challenged and jump onto the QAnon bandwagon. So they drank a few glasses of cheap whiskey, shot up a heavy dose of fentanyl, and hit themselves over the head with a two-by-four in order to better understand the people they were trying to attract. Next thing you know they were supporting QAnons like real American Heroes while posting it online just like President Trump had before them. Some examples of these faggots include:

  • Matthew Lusk: A Republican Florida congressional candidate.
  • Danielle Stella: A Republican Minnesota congressional candidate.
  • Jo Rae Perkins: A Republican Senate candidate in Oregon.
  • Marjorie Taylor Greene: A Republican candidate for the 14th Congressional District in Georgia.
  • Lauren Boebert: A Republican candidate for Colorado's 3rd congressional District.
  • Mike Cargile: A Republican candidate for California's 35th Congressional District.
  • Theresa Raborn: A Republican GOP House candidate in Illinois.
  • Erin Cruz: A Republican running for a House seat in California.
  • Angela Stanton-King: A Republican candidate for Georgia's 5th congressional district.
  • Alison Hayden: A Republican candidate for California, 15th congressional district.
  • Johnny Teague: A Republican candidate for Texas's 9th congressional district.
  • Rob Weber: A Republican candidate for Ohio's 9th congressional district.
  • Philanise White: A Republican candidate for Illinois' 1st congressional district.
  • Billy Prempeh: A Republican U.S. Senate nominee from Oregon.
  • Buzz Patterson: A Republican candidate for California's 7th congressional district.

A number of independent or write-in candidates who have supported the conspiracy theory will also appear on ballots in November like the true fags that they are. Since their parents clearly didn't love them, maybe the QAnon voters will.

Identity of Q

Most people are too stupid to realize that Q isn't a single person; "he" is just a bunch of trolls on 4chan fucking with them. Thousands of jackasses love to try and figure out who "he" is, as if "he", like Bigfoot, is fucking real. The smart money is on him being just a simple asspie who was banned from his KKK rally for being a gay nigger and needed to vent. Others believe that he's a Russian Intelligence Agent trying to determine how retarded the American voter base really is before hacking the next election. Either way, Q wants YOU for the QAnon Cult. Those who resist are just fake news snowflakes who don't know jack shit about the real world, or are people who have jobs, sex lives, and families that love them.

One thing is for sure; if Q is real, he is a HUGE fucking pussy who's way too chicken shit to share his real identity because they think the liberal boogie man is going to Candyman their ass.

After Q "left 4chan" because he felt that it had become "infiltrated" (totally not trolling more idiots into buying the whole secret agent bullshit) he went over to 8chan and started using a tripcode to prove how "real" he totally was. When 8chan got pwnd and was taken down following the 2019 El Paso shooting because they posted the shooter's manifesto, Q went silent. This, combined with statements by 8chan's founder Fredrick Brennan, the use of a "Q" collar pin by 8chan owner Jim Watkins, and Watkins' financial interest in a QAnon super PAC that advertises on 8chan, have led to widespread speculation that either Watkins or his son, 8chan's administrator Ron Watkins are the trolls behind Q. They denied this while snickering and high fiving each other at 4chan's LAN party last Thursday where everyone wore Q t-shirts and played My Ex-Boyfriend the Space Tyrant.

QAnon Today

Enlist Today!

Despite libtards doing everything they could to fight back against the Godzilla that is QAnon, it's still pissing in their cornflakes to this day. This is mostly due to Trump Trolls doing their damndest to get The Donald reelected so that they can continue to cyberbully America for another four years. This means that any conspiracies that make him look good, especially QAnon, are simply not allowed to die. Many lulz has ensued in the process.

Many supporters of the QAnon conspiracy have pulled a 180 on the subject after realizing that what they gain from pretending to support it isn't worth getting skull fucked to death by liberals and intellectuals with their "facts" and "evidence" against the conspiracy. Even as Trump continues to give a thumbs up to QAnon while feigning ignorance, others who support the issue (but aren't rich millionaires) begin to turn tail and run like the cowards they are.

Meanwhile, the online fight against QAnon also continues, with websites and social media platforms doing everything they can to combat the AIDs epidemic that is Q and their followers. Sadly this hasn't done much to stop the asspies from gathering, fucking, and conspiring against their many foes. A QAnon incel networking app is currently in the works, as well as a board game called "What NOT To Do With Your Life" where QAnon is one of the many playable characters.

See Also

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QAnon is part of a series on

Trolls

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QAnon is part of a series on

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