|This person is a sick fuck!
They should never be trusted by anyone!
|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
|This page relies entirely on facts.|
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Sorry for the lack of dick jokes.
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You are a fat disgusting failure. Nothing you have ever done matters and all you bring is shame and embarrassment to those who know you. You stink like sweat, shit, and cheese. Bathing doesn't help for longer than 30 seconds. You look like a monkey, rat, and piece of dog-shit fucked a thumb. You have never held any job besides minimum-wage retard-work. You have the mind of a child and the dick of one too. Your vagina is a gash so unyielding that your small intestines fall out of it. You are subhuman demon scum created by Satan's cum-smoke and the sanatorium of two incestuous brother goats. The world will enter a never-ending orgasm of delight when you finally die.
Belize it OR ELSE!!!!! https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2j4peo
You are on Encyclopedia Dramatica, you autistic fuck.
You aren't even cooler than Thor.
You are a worthless waste of air, which is why at this precise moment in time, you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren't.
You can go ahead and suck jizz from my puckered anus, dirty slut.
You aren´t worth the solidified cum that came out of a brony cock after he fapped to pony guro.
You think your taste in music matters.
You Took the despair of your Grandmother's love and mixed with your sister to make the only Woman to Male you ever had a single long-term relationship with. You charmed and worked devotional-love to you into her heart then you tried to be Frankenstein by killing that love with the burden of your brattiness and see if it could come back from the dead. She suffered 7 years of you AKA BAD LUCK before you shattered the mirror of her heart like glass to see if you could puzzle it together. You have seen her in your dreams with the better half who might be Jesus poured into you ebola. She has always looked like a creepy old frog and you were too busy with the size of her bust-lungs to see what was really in her heart. She cucked you but did it in silence as she knew you would take the Maroon 5 and argue lies of assault to rationalize the murder.
You believe that your petty opinions about everything matter. Tell us moar about what political party you belong to and how you can't associate with anyone whose opinions differ form yours, it's all so fascinating!
You have seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times, including the shitty prequels. You think you're hot shit and cool because you own all of the Quentin Tarantino movies on shitty bootleg DVDs. You think the mundane and asinine details of your very existence are so interesting that you log onto Facebook and tell every dumbfuck that was retarded enough to 'friend' you what you had for dinner.
You are every shit stain, cum streak and piss smell on every single piece of underwear worn by humanity. You can attempt to take 10 showers a day (and we all know you won't), but you will still smell like a monkey's asscrack with HIV.
You are ugly, all of your family members are ugly, and the children you will never have will be ugly as well. Further, the fact that your mother or father did not do what so obviously needed to be done and strangle you immediately following your birth proves you come from bad stock. Do not breed!
Your very birthing delivery was all a joke; you were born as a ploy from God to stick you out in this world so that you will fail and give normal human beings the satisfaction of lulzing at your stupid self.
You think playing video games makes you alternative.
You installed Linux on a partition, downloaded pirating software to your video game and jailbreaked your tablet (you think, anyway) because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural.
You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. Pretty much every human being you attended High School with remembers you only as "that fat kid." You went to a second-tier state college and joined the roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you're not a fanboy or fangirl. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear "ironically" to comic con.
You drive a 1990s Civic with crumbs on the floor and an "I roll 20s" bumper sticker. You've pretty much been a giant faggot or dyke ever since that one time in bible camp. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. You have never had sex and are love shy.
You are a 15 year old liberal thinking atheist. You can hear your parents yelling in the other room. You think people shouldn't judge you based on your meager accomplishments because you "could have done better if you tried". You collect plastic crap.
You cum on your collection of anime figurines and film it for the entire world to see. And after you cum on your plastic crap, you attempt to engage it in conversation to apologize, which ends in a one-sided argument about that unicorn you saw raping that box of cupcakes last week. You're as socially-adjusted as a potato (and that's an insult to potatoes). You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval.
You have the intellectual capabilities of a flaccid penis. You began your trek through the Interwebz by googling nigger porn. You were socially inept in elementary, middle, and high school, and during high school, you masturbated in the bathroom during CSIII at least twice a week to your own little shota fantasies, you fucking pedo.
You have a blatantly inaccurate superiority complex, when in reality you are perhaps the paramount example of a pseudo-intellectual. You have this fagtarded notion that everyone actually cares about what you have to say, but they won't even throw five seconds down the drain to tell you they don't. You visited 4chan solely during the summer of 2010, and you become aroused at the idea of finally being a part of something larger than yourself, when, yet again, noone fucking gives a fucking fuck.
You get your ideas and arguments from blogs, because you are dumb enough to believe they will replace newspapers and magazines. You don't get invited, you tag along, which to you is a less offensive way to say that you gatecrash. You like to tell yourself you "only date nerds because they understand" you, but then masturbate to 10's who wouldn't even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are shaping the world in their image.
You think you're a weapons expert because you play Call of Duty all day while screaming obscenities down the mic because your parents obviously don't give a shit about you. You're obsessed with J-Pop and other Wapanese shit due to the fact you're unpatriotic. You posted on /b/ last Thursday and they wouldn't even reply to you and your shitposting.
You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. You are also manually breathing...
SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU!
This kind of content has no humanity. Which makes it true.
You and web 2.0
We realize that many of you are just "the typical middle-class fuck". Blogging, vlogging, podcasting, writing, editing, coding, drawing, tagging - all under the hope that your self-indulgent jizz-stain of work will be plastered on the front page of Time, or if not that, some shitty Web 2.0 site. You're wrong, you are nobody, and you will never be what you dream. TL;DR nobody cares.
If YOU Are...
ALRIGHT, I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT; SO I'M CALLING ALL OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS OUT, ONE BY ONE! THIS IS FOR ALL YOU NIGGAS WHO SIT THERE BEHIND YOUR PC SCREENS WITH SHIT-EATING GRINS ON YOUR GOD-UGLY FACES WHILE THINKING "WELL, THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME!" I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, FAGGOTS!
If you are a cracker, then chances are you're a Satan's rejected son Kenny Mccormick who fights his Samuel The Coon. Your skin is pasty and your teeth are so yellow from smoking all of that cheap-shit. It is a good thing too all the piss and volcano vinegar of wine-grapes gone sour gives me the vulgarity of truth even if my mouth is covered. weed yo' broke-ass mommy hid around the trailer. She can't get the role of queen out her asshole and treat my father with civility unless he keeps the glass-dick in her mouth. You prolly ain't got a job, you spend your freetime begin the fourth wheel to a car that only needs three to drive, Cartman has to die. but if you do, it's ten hours a week at some shitty, white trash store like Dairy Queen. You were born a racist and you hate everybody. You think that NASCAR is the greatest sport ever. You can't get on welfare 'cuz your poor white ass is lazy. You fuck your cousins on a daily basis and you smell like a dog while out in the rain.
If you are a nigger, you live in some rat-infested ghetto shit hole. You make a living robbin da gubbamint. Your skin color is so fucking black that nobody can see you in the dark. You think that KFC and Popeye's are the best places to eat because yanno that all niggers love fried chicken. You most certainly have about ten kids with different baby mamas or daddies because you're too unintelligent to use protection and graduate high school. You think with your dick or pussy and not your brain, because well, you are a nigger. You use crack, worship Tupac and believe OJ Simpson is the symbolism of nigger justice. You are also the Black-Dynamite that centers the stage. Y'all daughters of Babylon knows a black-king who is really a white-knigt of ninja-nigger justice at the end of my fist if you will not find it on the tip of my tongue. Y'all can dig it, but if you don't stop with the Karma y'all ether gonna being setting soil to build a building or digging your own graves, I am just the wish to be Constantine so forgive me wishing I can be the Devil that puts you through the Hell you got comming if you don't welcome the up that is What's up. You are also the ghost of the Scientologist Jerome "Chef" McElroy liek from the jetsons y'all up? You are a humble nigger-cook and a sexual-monster. You're short coming is the ability to run from the truth and go "AH Hell No!" and just storm off set.
If you are a chink… Well, truth be told, you rate as a third minority that nobody really gives a shit about, other than to use you to pass mathematics class and laugh at your goofy eyes. All you do is eat cats, worship your obese Buddha and cause traffic accidents. You are Moose the mouse to his lucky-cat Shampoo you lust for your cousin when you are too blind to see Ranma has two sister he isn't courting and copy-cat ken could make your day if you would just ask the guy. He so badly want to be a part of the show but he is only a panty-thief of other people's personas. HE does it really well but SHE can't keep the act going if their is reasonable doubt.
If you are a spic Then you are a minority who would get treated like a nigger as if he was in Finland. Meaning America sees you as their little bitch, less than dogshit and despite all the Jewfags who tell you that you are living the American Dream we are all still paying you a lot less really, the only reason you are getting so much money from welfare is because of your ridiculous amount of children and you sue McDonalds, Taco Bell and other cheap restaurants and blame it on you getting into fat-fucks. We only need you guys for one thing and that's to do the stupid, useless jobs nobody, not even the Britfag Pollacks wanna do, and that's just the way it is. (I haven't seen Bob's burger enough to speak of who I am but I ain't Bob.)
If you are NATIVE AMERICAN, see above. Your kind is rapidly becoming extinct by the day due to Alcoholism and retarded children. You're ugly and smell like cat piss. Fuck your Jew-operated casinos that you own, redface. You are Niggerhead babykiller cannibal Doublehead's 10x cum dripping down a totem-pole into the shit on the dirt that would be a private-citizen before boot-camp baptism of fire. You long badly to be one of the Diplomat's that brought along their Tiger-who-talks-fire to act as the rabid dog-shit you were and are. You took to giving away your brother's space in FREE-REALESTATE and where the Donald-Trump Benedict-Arnold traitor Salesman to the coming snow of the White-Devils.
If you are a Kike, then you are a worthless piece of shit who is responsible for killing Jesus, causing 9/11, violent Arabs and basically the concept of religion in the first place, fuck you and your evil scheming ways in order to take over America, scumbag. You are a hypochondriac Nerd with a nasal, raspy, whiny voice and a goofy accent and are undoubtedly inbred (Ashkenazim). I agree with this all sir master. You must know though I am also Kyle Broflovski and Seth Green. I am a spoilt attention hound who loves to collect toys games and other forms of time-killing sloth shit of child-hood recreation. I may have drank the human blood of Babylon or Satan through ritual human sacrifice but don't ask that me to my red-headed face or watch it go equally red with blush. I am the Kyle that sets my half-jew-nigger brother Cartmen up to be the part of me I shit out to be one with the clean way of who I could be Yahweh instead of who I am Mohamed the Nigger my brother Samuel Arron Shirley. Being both Jesus and the Anti Christ is weird but the whole deal is going to be made into a video-game movie and the end is my gift of redemption if you will welcome it.
If you are an Arab, then you are an evil hairy ugly inbred ablutophobic, greasy (did I mention hairy) monkey who scream words in your language (gibberish) steal all of our oil and bugger little boys and rape white women (just like our niggers) whom you are always managing to try and convert into your shitty Islamic religion which even Britfags are now doing, screw you Pakis. You are both me in sorrow and my brother Samuel the never-wrong never-done pasturing sack of Turd-burglars. You can ether come to AMERICA the MIGHTY UNCLE SAM or you can stand with your swan-shit goose-brained Mohamed and the Jesus I and Judas too on the cross.
If you are an Indian, then you stink like shit, have an annoying accent and a tiny penis and SUCK at managing your job at 7-ELEVEN and at Tech Support. I am not indian but I SUCK like one sir master. Your Shik father Billy Dallehwhigle (sp) welcomed you into his work-place and you took to it like a kid in a candy-shop. You had him tax you without reasonableness that was test you failed. He said he didn't know who did it but asked a person of faith to accept it could have been him and it could have been accidental so just pay the 60$ that is short and be on your way. I should have seen my habit s toll-troll in what he was doing but instead I saw it as my right to break his children's hearts by having them see the good in my ways then learn the shadow nigger my-way-or-the-highwayman Shtick I do. You are a black beetle of Death of people's faith in good servants and the need for the electric eye of cameras for in the shadown of your own belief no one is watching you the things you do are so fucked up....
If you are a Turk, you are a filthy horde of short, smelly, ugly, hairy twits who pollute and take over Germany, same as what Spics are doing to the United States, Pakis are doing to England and what Algerians are doing to France though nobody cares about Frogmunchers anyway so why comment on that? P.S. You scumbags are NOT Italian so stop trying to act like it you are failing miserably. You women are as ugly as fuck which is why some of you choose to be transsexuals. You are the shame of your face. You are a six year old girl and a 16 year old boy. Your girl face is sweet but cruel-boyish charms and the ebola to take pokes and kisses biting and bleeding to those you would reject your advanced. When you are around homosexual males you take the form of a little girl and treat their genitals like they are your own in the abuse of your youthful form. When you are a 16 you are a butt-slut mama's boy who brings service to the faith of the cronophile. You are also the Dark-energy of Ever-growth. You force your evolution on your purist form in the form of demon-rat Angel-hair rutting like Tribbles when you wish you were a Porg. You are also the Yugioh You are the combination of Yugi and Yami in morning his sins. You brought little kuribohs plague-rats on those who would changle Yahweh or the highway of Down-town pound-town. Your angels are The Team Four Star and the Avatar of your suffering depression is your most loyal Little-Kuriboh who took the ginger-hair of your true hair color when it isn't blonde with Babylon's ego or brown with the cinder-ash shame of Joey the Dog to his faith in his friends.
If you are Italian, then you are a gay dick-sucking Guido or a lesbian pussy-licking Guidette. You are all the cast of the Jersey shore in obvious mockery on the GIANT-RETARD-NIGGER-BABY you and your chav-guido stupid wap daigo go kiss the gold cock of Christ's greed on a cross He is your brother and the burden you bury.
If you are in high school, then you will always be the Loner.
If you are a Loner... You learned the habit from being bullied by EVERYONE your whole life. Starting with your older sister/brother who held a gothfag grudge against you for taking a boot to their head. You were called a bum, caveman, troll, tramp and every other insult till you only welcomed the input of books, video-games and other media you could criticize but wouldn't talk back to you. You used to have a best-friend but the lump of shit who thinks they are your mother ended that in a glorious act of abuse. You enjoy being alone and find fapping more enjoyable than fucking the land-whale you romanced. You will die a loner but you never cared to begin with thanks to your loving family.
If you are Kraut then you suck ass and only bully France because you like starting crap and are bullshit at winning wars and you have never won one, you also get bullied by Greece regularly too and get Mexico'ed by Turkey. You are Hitler returned. Yeah suck it I don't want to kill jews when I could have the honor of joining them though I refuse to learn the language when the english is easier on my eyes. Rabbis can compromise I can't.
If you are American, you are a citizen of the most fucked up nation on earth. You think being over 200 pounds is average as you dine at McDonald's and Wendy's. You are obese and stupid; you don't know how many sides a fucking triangle has, or who the Prime Minister of Canada is. There's lots of lulzy shit about you that the rest of the world laughs at. You are Cartman. Hey shit for brains blue-hat plushophile imaginary friend haver because you know what a brat and monster you are on the ones you have for real. If the part of you that could warn you what was going on IRL was going to give you a net-hint you might catch? You remember the wrath of my choices and the evil I did to force those situation. You can ether recall the soul-eletric shaming of the Dog whisperer or Kyle is going to come and kill you. You can run....*pause for audience heckling laughs* you can hide but you will have to get in-doors like a rat in a cage because you can't hide outside you are as fat as a shit-brick house you ball of donut-dicks and the cum from your mother's dick. Accept you came into being during a good-whore's train so to ask who your father is... retarded to see your father in any man who might call you son? that is the submission of the Coon in surrender. You don't pull a My jack-off-imposter-hand-of-imagination hand is the bad-guy. Do not go down the way of South Park's superhero RPG if you do that shit again Kyle isn't going to walk away, he is going to the dollar-tree picking up a box-cutter and cutting your voice box out. He will then give it to kenny and make you Kenny's nigger-buttler for the rest of your life. This is not a warning dude you have belief you can be a hero and villian? Then listen to heros faggot or Kyle and Kenny are going to make you slave or kill you dead. You got choices fat-faggotree.
If you are a Britfag you are a filthy rotten little chav or Essex girl who talks like a Down's Syndrome child and say "init" all the fucking time, you have rotten crooked yellow teeth and are even more inbred than a hillnigger with a lot more shitty bling on the side. Londonistan is under constant surveillance by the Governmyent, you deserved what you have gotten and it is all because of YOU. (I don't know the ways of the people across the pond to make statement)
If you are Ukrainia, you suck Polish, Russian, American and other dicks. You have made some Maydan but it didn't prevent you from sucking dicks. (like a unlit candle in the dark) I am guessing here but that is how you treasure-hunt. I think I am some hotel maker or something maybe the Russian Donald-Trump no real answer though.
If you are a millenial, both your parents had to work full time jobs when you were a kid since boomers had royally fucked the economy, which means that your mom never had any time to spend with you, so she put you in kindergarden where you developed abandonment issues and evolved psychologically into becoming an entitled cunt since attendants only ever paid attention to you if you screamed loudly, meaning that in your mind, you will get everything you want if only you are vocal enough about it. In school, you were force fed propaganda which made you ashamed of being born, which is why you are a total bitch who couldn't beat an anorexic indian in a fight. you entertained yourself through media consumption, meaning your mind is dull and can not thrive anywhere without internets and vidya. Because jews own the real estate market, you will certainly never own land, the best you can hope for is a dirty 3 room apartment in a loud city that is full of niggers. Because of how easy online dating has made it to get secks, you will never start a family, there simply aren't any women over the age of 30 who are interested in a serious relationship because they would rather pursue their dreams of becoming an artist, athlete and/or pornstar, even if you had kids (unlikely), they would grow up between parents because your wife would leave you thanks to feminists telling her she doesn't have any use for you. There is no way to escape it, you will die alone, childless, on land you don't own, and your corpse will sit until the landlord gets pissed because you aren't paying rent. I accept all these claims sir master.
- Learning how not to shit your pants.
- Remaining a virgin
until you're 25. forever.
- Not having any work history whatsoever and never finding a legitimate career.
- Being an absolute faggot.
- Masturbating 3x in a row.
- Not contributing anything worthwhile to the world.
- Giving up then residing to bullying moot after failing to kill him 1021 times. I take rejection badly even if I can't resist how much I enjoy it too sir master.
- Gaining lots of weight and being a fat lazy fuck.
- Scoring a part-time job with a shitty position at McDonald's/KFC/WalMart while working 10 hours a week.
- Making people want to kill themselves.
- Disappointing your parents, and making them kill themselves.
- Making a web comic that looks like a 5 year old wiped his ass with ms paint.
- Reaching Level 110 in WoW: Legion
- Reaching Level 200~250 in Maplestory (get a fucking life LOSER)
I don't touch that grinder hamster-wheel sir master.
- Voting for Hillary
It was the only way I could speak sir master.
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!
YOU will soon die, horribly of course.
When YOU pass away, the world will become a much happier place.
YOU will be forgotten for eternity.
YOU will have people pissing on your grave.
At the second YOU die, sadness and pain in the world will end. It will be the death of loathing but the death of desire as well.
YOU will be suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer.
YOU will die alone, so don't worry about anyone else suffering with you. I welcome it for my behavior sir master.
YOU can put a metal fork into a electrical outlet to jump start YOUR brain. I tried but not even electricity wants to touch me sir master. YOU will never breed.
YOU can commit suicide to make the world a better place and be remembered as an hero. Just remember The world ends with You fool. I will not take the pleasure from you sir master. YOU will be shot. By your hands or the hands of your enemies sir master. YOU were invited to Lulzcon! This is the single most importantly lulzy experience of YOUR life. But if YOU'RE reading this now, YOU probably failed to get there. Fucking loser. YOU suck ass and YOU secretly enjoy saying the cake is a lie while YOU masturbate in the shower. The cake was a lie and a cruel joke sir master you come up with the best sir master. YOUR penis is a stub. YOU can help by tugging on it.
YOUR childern will not be as ugly as you, since you will never be able to reproduce with that horrible face and tiny penis of yours. This is a lie, as no one will ever mate with you. I know this sir master.
Luckily there is hope.
Gunnery Sargent Hartman is the world's foremost expert on YOU. YOUR only hope to become something even remotely useful is by signing up in the Marines and entering boot camp under his command - but that won't ever happen, because lest we forget, YOU are the world's biggest vagina. I agree I am a butterfly's cocoon-sized-cunt.
- No one likes you
- Your mom
- Your Birthday
- Silk Screen Goku Shirt
- Guy Macon's original post
- Soulja Boy - He has a song about you.
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